Yesterday, the American people seemed to take a seismic shift with the decision of the SCOTUS' ruling regarding same-sex marriage.  Those who know me know without question, that I am a Christian.  I tend to not put my own opinions and beliefs publicly out there on a daily rant.

First, for those who are worried and anxious on how this will affect their churches, I will post this from page 27 under the "Opinion of the Court":

"Finally, it must be emphasized that religions, and those who adhere to religious doctrines, may continue to advocate with utmost, sincere conviction that, by divine precepts, same-sex marriage should not be condoned. The First Amendment ensures that religious organizations and persons are given proper protection as they seek to teach the principles that are so fulfilling and so central to their lives and faiths, and to their own deep aspirations to continue the family structure they have long revered. The same is true of those who oppose same-sex marriage for other reasons. In turn, those who believe allowing same-sex marriage is proper or indeed essential, whether as a matter of religious conviction or secular belief, may engage those who disagree with their view in an open and searching debate. The Constitution, however, does not permit the State to bar same-sex couples from marriage on the same terms as accorded to couples of the opposite sex."

Churches of any faith are still protected under the 1st amendment, so those FREAKING out need to calm down and get educated. It's. Not. That. Hard.  I believe there are something our founding fathers called "separation of church and state.” 

Also:

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." (Ph. 4:6-7)

I was reading one blog yesterday and I came across this:

“We must remember: God is God.  How he deals with each of us in our sin and brokenness—whatever that struggle may be—is ultimately God’s business.”

I’m not looking to get into a debate with anyone over this. I just wanted to personally express my views, whether you agree with them or not. We all have that fundamental right, no?  My problems are my problems and God’s problem.  I am to focus on my own sins and where I fall before I can help pick up a friend and give them encouragement that I fail to give myself.  I cannot help another when I cannot even help myself.  We all need to look inside our own hearts and be awaken to the many imperfections God is still trying to grasp hold of.   

Personally, no one's marriage or rights before the law infringe on my personal beliefs, my own marriage, or my relationship with Christ.  It also does not change how I choose to interact or love people who have different opinions or lifestyles than I do.  In fact, a very fundamental core of my Christian beliefs call me to love all people.  My relationship with Christ helps me to love that person who stands on the other side of ANY issue, because it is what Christ would do.  He would not yell or belittle that person.  He would definitely have conversation with them though.  As Max Lucado put it, "Something good will come out of this.  Maybe now we can have this discussion where we need to have it.  Face-to-face.  In neighborhoods.  Over dinner tables.  Perhaps the hate-filled words will subside and clear thinking will gain traction; the shouting will diminish and the heart-felt dialogue will increase."

I also know of too many people who do not uphold or value marriage in the same respect that I do - whether they are Christians, Jews, Muslims, Atheists, Agnostic, or whatever...but guess what?  They still get married every day because marriage is no longer just a fundamental Christian sacrament reserved only for us.  It is a societal and government right. No two people from any of these groups, or even within the Christian denomination, are going to have the same outlook on marriage that my husband and I hold.  Just because anyone I come into contact with is going to have a personal view of what marriage should be or should not be, it still does not and will not change my view for my own marriage. And it should not.  This does not mean I am 100% condoning anything, so please do not twist my words. Take them for what they are. 

To my Christian friends, I have also seen so many comments thrown out such as accountability of another's sin, forgiveness, repentance, and grace.  First, if you are in the authority to hold another accountable for their sin, please be sure you are extending this to any type of sin - not just the ones you see fit.  It is also best if that person has come to you to hold them accountable, and mostly remember this: you CANNOT and will NOT change anyone. Yes, our relationships with Christ offer the gifts of forgiveness, repentence, and grace, but this can only come from God. Our relationships with God are also individual matter's of the heart. No man can offer these gifts. I do not need man's approval or grace - so why are we still trying to seek these??? Please do not also say that you are going down the better path of righteousness because when you fall, you seek forgiveness from our loving Father, and repent of it. That is a wonderful thing you are doing, and I am honestly not trying to take away from that, but you are not free from that sin and you have not broken the seal of it either - only Christ did that when He died on the cross.  Only He has waged the war on death and overcame it.  You are not God - you are human and imperfect.  How long do you go until you commit that same sin again or commit a different sin?  Are you really that different then from what you feel so threatened by? And it is not my job as a sister in Christ to confront you every single time you fall. Let's be honest for a second - I sin probably way more times throughout my day than I naively even realize, whether it be in my thoughts or actions. 

Throughout all of this, I feel we have all personally hit the overall mark. So yay! #loveforall and #lovewins - but are we really and truly ALL acting in that same love we are so eagerly fighting for?  I have seen some personally disturbing and sad comments towards those who are in support of gay marriage, as well as equally disturbing and sad comments towards those who identify within the Christian religion.  It is equally hurtful when there are those who make comments that Christianity is crumbling, we are a bunch of crazies who are full of ignorant beliefs.  If you have encountered this, I am sorry.  Not that it is my apology to give or should I need to give it, but I hope in the future you can have a better encounter with a Christian person, and truly see the heart that lies within - just like you are asking for today.  You cannot be celebrating any kind of love, yet be tearing down and demeaning anyone.  It does not work that way.  It distorts the very simplistic idea and pureness of love.  Sorry, but it does not make you better than the next person, regardless of your views and whether you think you are right and they are wrong. 

“God’s love is limitless and extends to all humankind.  His love includes gay men and women; it includes all sinners—including you and me.  Let’s make sure we are absolutely clear on this point: Jesus’ life on earth showed us that he extended great love to all of humanity, including those society deemed as “unworthy” of love.”

Buying Our First Home

Carlos and I made a pact that by the end of our first year of marriage, we would own our first home.

November came around and we decided we were ready.  Our apartment lease was soon to expire in a few months and we just felt like God was calling us both towards this next step.  We never EVER thought in a million years that we would be calling Kingwood, Texas our home.  Trust me, when my brother moved out to the area years before, we always complained about going to his house and wondering why any person with reasonable sense would live out here. (Note: Never Say Never) We truly did not imagine that this is the community where we would find our home church and want to establish and raise our family.

We had the wonderful help of my younger sisters' stepmother helping us in the process as our realtor.   She was pretty amazing guiding us through the process and driving from Sugar Land to Kingwood on weekends to show us homes.  We knew we wanted to stay within a certain neighborhood, and so we did what we felt was right - we prayed about it!  We actually wrote a list of what we ideally wanted in our first home:

Neighborhood - Trailwood Village or Bear Branch

Budget - $$$ (We actually went to our max offer price - won against 5 other bidders AND in the end of closing on the house, we walked away with it for under asking price - and people say God isn't real???)

One Story Home

Symmetrical Front of House

4 bedrooms

2.5 baths

Either move-in ready and the opportunity to make it to our liking ourselves

And we trusted that God would show up and bring us to the right home!  AND boy did He show up!  But, honestly it took a lot of patience and trusting in His will for us.  We tried to find homes we thought were "perfect" and tried to make them fit into that list we had made.  We would make offers on homes that didn't have any checkmarks from the list, but we thought we loved.  Of course, we ended up losing the offers on those homes because the market is super competitive right now for buyers. 

We were coming up on the week we had to move out of our apartment.  We decided to just wait and continue to look - luckily, we had amazing friends who allowed us to use their home in the meantime until we found "the" home for us.  Little did we know what was literally right around the corner...we moved out on a Thursday, and early that following Saturday morning, I went browsing for the umpteenth million time on HAR to see if any homes had recently popped up.  And THAT is when I saw our home...well not really.  It was such a new listing, that there were no pictures or description.  I GoogleMap'd it to see a front view of the home, and immediately texted Carlos that we needed to go look at this home ASAP!  We called Karen, our realtor, and she arranged for a showing in-between 5 other showings. EEEK!

When we went to see the house that afternoon, Carlos and I immediately fell in love.  Let me know, we both know and sense a good thing when we look at each other and don't even have to say a word - this is how we typically make decisions (because it's such a great method to use lol) and this was one of those times.  Despite the horrible 1970s wallpaper, original shag carpets, and endless walls of wood paneling (oh I'll post the pictures)...we saw the endless possibilities of taking this home and making it into ours. We had other homes lined up to go look at after, and we didn't even want to bother. We wanted to get our offer in immediately because we knew this home wouldn't be around for long. Boy, were we right! There were 5 other offers within 24 hours!!! The owners were the original couple who bought the house in 1977, and were in their 80s. So what did we do to make sure we sealed the deal and had the best offer? Well, write them a personal and touching letter of course!!!

Well it worked!!!  We really connected with the previous owners and God continued to work so many miracles throughout the closing process that allowed us to make our first home everything we wanted and more.  Stay tuned as we renovate our first home!!!

TRUST

I don't EVER make New Years Resolutions - this is probably because I easily lose focus once this little thing called "life" starts to get in the way. I don't stay committed to anything for very long. At the beginning of this year, I came into it with no expectations - none for myself and none for those in my life.

If I look back and was to choose one word for 2014, it would be "HOPE".

I brought with me a torn and bruised spirit, and I had lost hope in a lot of the areas of my life. I had lost vision and hope for myself and my future. I didn't think I would ever be able to shed my hurts and hang-ups. - to truly move on and leave them in the past. Well let me just say, God usually brings you to your weakest and most vulnerable state before He does something BIG in you. It didn't take too long for me to fall flat on my face and come to realize that I couldn't do it on my own anymore. I was weak and was deeply in need and searching for God's grace and strength. 

Luckily, by February, my husband and I started to attend Woodlands Church - and we have finally found our church home. I know it may seem I brag about this a lot - but I just can't help it (#sorrynotsorry). Through our church family, I found my way back into God's vision for me - one He had never lost sight in but that I had been so unwilling to see because of sadness, anger, disappointments, and not letting go.  I quickly came to realize was that there was hope and a future for me. That I was not lost, because God has given me the greatest sacrifice and gift I could ever receive. 

I look back on this year and I am thankful and blessed to see what I have been able to deal with and overcome. But I didn't do it all myself and I don't deserve any of the praise - God does! He did it - I just opened myself up to let Him work in me. Each day is a working progress - new challenges and obstacles continue to come up - there are even many still present. But they are ALL out of my control.

My sister Natalie has done this same challenge for awhile now and I felt challenged to really jump into it...which is why for 2015, my one word vision is...

TRUST!

I shamelessly admit that I tend to put God in a box - that there are certain situations I just cannot bring to Him. When I start to do that, I put limits on God and I doubt God. I need to learn to trust Him 100% in everything I do, feel, or say -  trust Him not with just His blessings, but that no problem I have is bigger than Him to handle and overcome. Trusting that when I walk away from something or someone, it is allowing Him to step in, and that because He is truth and just,  He will makes all wrongs right, heal all pains, mend hearts and relationships. Even when He hasn't yet "fixed" things, I will continue to persevere. 

I have to trust in God, not in man. I learned that when things in your life happen that you wish were otherwise, you have two choices in life:

1) You can either choose to continue to live THROUGH it and trust in God

2) You can choose to let it kill you (emotionally, mentally, spiritually)

I choose to live through it and trust in God, because I know this is where faith will grow and this is where I will grow. I am super excited for 2015 - this is the most excitement I have ever had going into another year. Be safe and much love!

His Promise ALWAYS Stays True....

How true that headliner is....and how often we can forget it.  We remember God’s promise is true when things are going great in our life.  We praise God for his multitude of blessings and paths he is opens up for us that we perceive as amazing opportunities, whether it has to do with personal relationships, work, finances, etc.  Our human nature is to respond with thanks and love in times of praise when we receive so many gifts.  I certainly cannot deny this, seeing how my own personal love language is giving and receiving gifts. 

But what about when things are not going according to "plan"...not God's plan, but OUR plan.  So many times, I leave God out of my plan, forgetting that it is His desire to have a deep and intimate relationship with me.  I believe I know what is best for myself (and others - guilty!!!) - I have certain goals and values, and I want to lead my life a certain way, not according to God's standards, but to my own standards and the world's standards.  When I do this, I WILLINGLY walk away from God.  If I choose to walk away from Christ, the further I put distance between myself and Him, the harder it becomes for me to hear His voice.  Example: Two people meet in the middle of the road and start talking about a problem concerning one of them. Person A chooses to stay in the place they met, continuing to talk but Person B starts to walk away in the opposite direction, refusing to listen. With each step Person B takes, the harder it is them to hear what Person A is trying to say. 

We walk away from people and God simply because:

1.      We are in denial of reality

2.      We ignore or try to fix our problems ourselves

3.      We act and react in the way we think is justifiable - this is where pride, anger, resentment, and pain start to grow and lay their roots in our hearts and minds

The moment the uninvited problems show up and stay unresolved, doors to hurt, pain, and suffering appear.  I find myself so quickly to blame God for bringing the destruction in my life, and refuse to listen to His voice.  If I don't start to retreat back to God, how can I expect to hear His voice?  How can I be open to give and receive love for myself and for others, if I don't accept truth?  You cannot be loving without being truthful, nor can you be truthful without loving.

I've come to realize this past week how imperfect I truly am.  I do not always say the right things, show the right emotions, listen just as I would like to be listened to, or love the way I know I should.  That is because I am capable of holding onto just as much pride as the next person.  When I hold onto that pride, I willingly choose how I act and react, and whether it is intentional or unintentional, and I am 100% capable of hurting people because of my pride.  Even with pride, when someone continues to attack you and goes around to others attacking you and lying about you, I have learned that rather than simply attack back, I can put my pride aside and I do not have to do a thing.  

Hurting people hurt people.  Their actions speak for themselves.  I do not have to defend myself to them or the people that are hearing the lies.  When truth is truth, you don't need to defend yourself.   Why is it wrong to be defensive, to set someone straight when they've misjudged or even misspoken against you?  Because defensiveness is an ungodly characteristic.  Think about it.  Did Jesus rise up in indignation and defend His own character or life?  No.  Recall those excruciating hours He hung on the cross while men spat upon Him, jeered and mocked Him, tore His clothing and took it as souvenirs.  The Bible says in 1 Peter 2:23 that while Jesus was reviled, He did not revile in return.  Instead, He entrusted Himself to the One who would judge righteously.

Since I have started to be open to God and His plan for me, I see him convicting my heart so quickly.  I find myself not just asking for forgiveness to those I know I have hurt, but giving forgiveness to those, even when it is not asked.  God has been doing some pretty amazing things in my marriage, in my family, and in myself.  I have had to accept that it is naive of me to think now that God is being placed first in my life, that I will no longer suffer.  He wants me to bring my suffering to Him, and place my faith in Him, knowing that He will bring me out on the other side of peace.  I have had to accept that by submitting to His will, it will bring relationships and situations forward in my life that will be tested.  I truly and faithfully believe EVERYTHING happens for a reason.  He has a reason for everything.  I have already had to make some very hard decisions.  I have had to re-examine what is my responsibility and what is not my responsibility; what I will allow in my life and what I will not allow in my life.   I cannot put my faith in others - I need to my faith in Jesus Christ.  I cannot expect people to give me the respect and love I deserve and also expect it to be enough. God is more than enough.  I cannot put my pain and heartache onto others and expect them to want to protect me - I only have to bring it to God and know He will protect me.  In my experiences of hurt and pain, I am starting to choose to praise my amazing and merciful God because His love is unending, unfailing, and unchanging.  

No matter what I say and do based on God’s truth, love, and grace for me in spite of my imperfections, I have to admit myself at the end of the day: I cannot change anyone. I cannot save anyone. God can use me as a vessel for someone to come to Him through my own personal testimony, but I am powerless and in order for others’ to hear God’s truth they have to:

Believe + Receive = Become

Believe God’s truth, love, and grace for you in spite of your imperfections.
Receive God’s truth, love, and grace for you in spite of your imperfections.
Start to become who God’s want you to be through his truth, love, and grace for you in spite of your imperfections.

Prayer: Jesus, you are MY example for living graciously, victoriously and obediently, even when misunderstood or mistreated.  I want to live like You so that others are drawn to You.  So when I begin to feel mistreated or misunderstood, ganged up on or misrepresented, robbed or misheard, help me to listen to Your words of truth rather than my wounded feelings.  Help me to entrust myself -- my reputation, my rights, my heart, my future, my feelings -- to the One who sees all and knows all, and who will judge appropriately.  And help me to care more about my testimony for You than my emotions or my need to be right or even heard.  Help me resist the temptation to pick up my weapons and fight back, but to be gentle and patient and kind instead.  Amen!

Let It Go....Finally.

First, no I am not going to start by breaking out into Frozen songs....But I really do love that song!

I have had to finally realize something and accept this as truth - no matter HOW much you can love someone and want them to change, you cannot change them...and it's time to stop putting their happiness and sanity before your own. When I first started this blog, I had every intention to read a book my sister suggested to me: " Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life". I started the first couple of pages and then I stopped...but this past weekend, I decided I was really ready to open it up and learn. I found myself in struggling circumstances with people in my life and I think I was finally ready to be taught on what to do. I made the choice.

“Part of taking responsibility, or ownership, is knowing what is our job and what isn't.” Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend (Boundaries)

I've learned that where I am at in my life, others are not. I cannot change them. I can argue, I can cry, and force every single word that comes to mind upon that person to convince them to fix the situation, but it'll probably go through one ear and out the other. I can choose to become so frustrated with the situation because they are not changing. What I am not allowing is for them to eventually come to their breaking point and allow God to change them. We are all on our own individual path. You cannot reason with someone who is not at the same point in your path or even expect them to understand where you are at. Every time I tell someone "this is the last time" - it doesn't work. Why??? Probably because I obviously keep going back to that person because I think "This is it – I can FINALLY convince them to change. It'll work this time!" - AND that is a lie. AND the other person knows I will continue to come back, so my "threats" are empty. So then really, why do they need to change? I found myself in their whirlwind of chaos. I couldn't understand why nothing I was doing was working. I would find myself arguing with God: "Don't they see how wrong they are and how right I am? (Our family and friends seem to always make us feel holier right??? WRONG!) Why don't they just want better?" Then I found myself telling God (and myself): "Maybe they don't need to change. Maybe they don't want to change...because I have convinced them I will always continue to come back." In order for real change to happen, the other person needs to realize on their own when enough is enough. You cannot hold them to your standard of enough because we all have different breaking points.

What I have now realized is that they might think they do not need to change, and that's okay because that is their choice, but I realize I do need to change and that it is my choice. I need to change how I choose to act and react. I recently started Celebrate Recovery...which is something I was struggling to admit even writing this. But why should I feel ashamed??? Because it doesn't meet the world's standards??? There is only one being I am placed on this earth to serve and please and I am on HIS standards. I don't feel ashamed. I feel relieved. I feel liberated. I am finally facing and admitting my own faults I have made in my life and taking ownership over those areas of my life. I am finally coming to terms and trying to heal from all the hurts and hang-ups I have held onto for sooooooo long in my life caused by other people and myself. It's funny how admitting you are powerless over your own life gives you so much strength. I have realized I cannot change myself, and I need the help of others and Christ.

“People with boundary problems usually have distorted attitudes about responsibility. They feel that to hold people responsible for their feelings, choices, and behaviors is mean.” Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend (Boundaries)

There are going to be people along my path that will not agree with me or understand what I am doing. If and when they are TRULY ready for their own truth, they will realize their reality has been altered for so long because they have chosen to believe and feel a certain way for so long in their life. I do believe this - people who say they are always happy do NOT like to confront the harder issues in life - their pain, fear, anger, resentment, shame, or guilt. They have programmed themselves to believe those issues don't exist in their life. That they are good people. If you confront them about something they did wrong, they turn it around about how you are making them feel bad. This is because they would rather not feel or truly be held accountable for their actions (and probably confront deeper issues) than to confront those hard issues and admit they are not flawless. They don't own their feelings or know how to express their feelings, but some people are not ready for the truth in their life. It takes a strong person to admit their weakness, and an even stronger person to admit their powerlessness over those weaknesses.

“Feelings should neither be ignored nor placed in charge…Feelings come from the heart and can tell you the state of your relationship. But, the point is, your feelings are your responsibility and you must own them and see them as your problem so you can begin to find an answer to whatever issue they are pointing to.” Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend (Boundaries)

We make our own choices. We choose what to feel. We choose what to say. We choose what to do and what not to do. I am responsible for myself and you are responsible for you. If I get angry or sad...it because I chose to, and I need to figure out why I chose to. Was I truly in the wrong??? Maybe...If you are on a path to being a better and newer you, whether you are a believer in Christ or not, the hardest thing I have learned is that you will have to let some people go. Your change is not about their change, but simply about your change. I have found myself to be much happier when I have started to guard my heart and place boundaries with certain people. It is hard when this can be friends or family members, but it is necessary if they continue to get in the way of your change. All that you can continue to do for them is to pray for them. That is all you can do. No words or actions can make them change. When you finally accept that and let them go, and let God start controlling it and allow Him to change them, you will see miracles happen. Let you do the work and let God do the miracles.

Restoration Part One

Writing down my thoughts helps me work through issues that are very relevant in MY life.  I just want to disclaim that this is how I feel and what I am currently processing in MY own life and mind.  You do not have to agree with it.  

Open mind and open hearts.

We have recently started attending Woodlands Church Atascocita Campus - and we love it!  We have been praying that God would lead us to a church we could call ours and we truly have been confirmed Sunday after Sunday that this is our church!  Pastor Kerry started a new series called "Burning Bridges - Destroying Harmful Habit Patterns and Experiencing Real Change" and I knew God was calling out to me.  This particular message speaks to me so loudly because it is something that Carlos and I have been going through as a couple and particularly for myself, my entire life probably.  We have been seeking guidance and restoration from barriers and bridges - we have built barriers that are destructive hurts and habit patterns that are harmful to us and our relationships, when we really need to be building bridges that are life-giving habit patterns that bring healing and take us to our divine destiny.  

FYI - Everyone does this!  

Nobody is immune to this - If you have EVER found yourself trying to fix yourself on your own or someone else, or when someone asks you how you are doing and you respond with “good!”, although that’s far from the truth – this is definitely for you!

This is my story on this particular issue:

After Carlos and I started dating and even more once he became a Christian, I really felt very distant to God and his love for me.  I had experienced many things in my life that have caused me to have a very negative outlook on life.  I would find myself asking, "Restoration?  From what?  Nothing is wrong with me - it's everybody else and what they've done to me.  They are the ones who need to change.”  I had become such an angry and unhappy person. I felt the way I did and I wanted everyone else to know it – I wanted everyone else to feel it.  But then I would get even angrier at myself and at others because nothing was changing and I didn't understand why nothing was changing.

A couple of months ago, I was ready to give up on about everything in my life – my marriage, my family, Carlos’ family, work, school, and my friends.  Who would want to be around me when I was such a horrible person?  At the worse, I really was convinced that God had really given up on me and that while He is a loving God, for some reason He just did not love me. 

Surprisingly to some, I did not see the point in my own dreams and goals anymore.  I felt worthless.  I just wanted to quit.  I was tired from the hurt and pain in my life.  I was tired from all the time and effort wasted on thinking about all these problems in my life.  I was tired of trying to control so much in my life that I really had very little control over.  I felt like I had to be or at least appear perfect in every aspect of my life, and if I could not achieve that, I was a huge failure not only in my own eyes, but also in those around me and especially God.   

Every time someone hurt me, I placed another brick on my wall - it eventually had become so high that it got tiring.  I was co-dependent on other people providing my happiness and self-worth instead of placing it in God's hands. I had come to my breaking point and realized I needed help.

Carlos and I decided to go to church.  One Sunday, at the end of service, they had prayer leaders available for anyone who needed prayer over any matters in their life. I was thinking to myself, “Nope, not me.  I am not going up there.  Not in front of all these people.  What will these people think who don’t even know me?  God, if you think I need to go up there, then you better use Carlos as a vessel.”  Next thing I knew, Carlos grabbed my hand and whispered to me, “We need to go up there. We need prayer.  You need prayer.” (Thank God for a strong and believing husband...)

We walked up to a woman and and she started praying over us – and then she started crying.  Why would this woman cry for me when she didn't even know me?  She told us this particularly hit home for her because she had experienced the same things and just the fact I was so young having to experience this, she really felt for me.  She told us that she would continue to pray for us.  

KNOW THIS 

If change is what you really seek, God will bring the right people to you when you seek them out and are willing to listen.  If you find yourself in similar situations, I encourage you to find someone you can openly share with – We need God and others. 

Restoration Step #1

The first step towards healing and restoration is by making this proclamation:

"I humbly admit my powerlessness to change myself and control everything.  

In my brokenness I humbly admit my need for God and others. "

“You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope.  With less of you there is more of God and His rule” Matt. 5:3 (MSG)

If you say you want to change, but never take action, that may be because you are not willing to admit to your imperfections.  You are not willing to admit that you are in fact powerless over it and you are broken! Personally speaking, God had to break me, so that He could heal me.  I have learned so far that this entire time, I have been building barriers and destroying so many bridges because of pain, anger, and hurt I have been harboring inside for many years and trying to control on my own.  Even when faced with a barrier I wanted to break free from, I have realized that I was still trying to control it all, instead of giving it over to God for Him to break down and allowing Him to restore in me His grace.  

Even some bridges can be harmful - We as humans try to build a bridge of control through other people and situations. We try to control and subdue our pain instead of feeling our pain.  We tell ourselves and others more often that we are fine, when we know that is a lie.  We chose not to speak up to others we don't agree with for fear they will abandon us.  Or just because we are simply afraid - we find ourselves with no voice.  

One thing I have struggled with is my control over one-sided relationships.  What those are is I find myself putting all this energy, time, and effort into a relationship with certain family members or friends, but have shortly realized I am the one doing all the work.  The reason I struggle with this is because when I feel like I need to break it off from them because of the reality of the relationship, it makes me feel like a "bad Christian."  I am codependent on their relationship making me happy, when in reality it is making me far from it.  While bridging relationships with others can be a good thing, some of them can be harmful.  I am discovering that I need to walk away from them.   It does not make me a "bad Christian" - God doesn't call us to allow people to use/need us only when it is appropriate for them.  I tend to have a very merciful spirit towards people = translating to, I can sometimes be a people-pleaser.  Knowing that I am not expected to be perfect, I can finally allow myself to give that mercy over to God to allow Him to control that towards other people.  It is such a relief.  If that person does not understand why I am doing it, I do not need to explain myself.  That is for them to discover the answer to on their own, if they are willing to do so and the relationship matters to them as well. 

When we finally break our silence, this is a good thing because it allows us to bring it to God and we can eventually surrender it in order to have a deep and intimate relationship with Him. 

How:

1.     When we surrender and He gives us grace, He gives us the power to change ourselves - I repeat, CHANGE OURSELVES. (We cannot change others.)  

2.     He provides for us a grace net that will protect us should we ever fall.  

3.     His grace is able to keep us from falling by securing our relationship with God.  

4.     It is not a relationship based on performance or works.

When you accept and start to feel the grace and love that God has for you, you will truly know you are in that moment.  I have had to  re-learn to accept that Jesus does love me.  There is absolutely nothing I can do that will ever change that!  We spend most of our time trying to take control of situations and relationships in our life.  We've trusted and been burned, loved and been hurt, all the while depending on ourselves.  But, if we're to experience life and all it has to offer, maybe it's time to let go.  Control is a short film the explores the beauty in letting go and the freedom it brings. 

"God is working in you.  He wants your plans and your acts to be in keeping with His good purpose." Philippians 2:13 NIRV

Our Save-the-Dates and Engagement Pictures.

Let me start by saying how TRULY blessed we were with having amazing and talented photographers for our engagement and wedding.  The cost of a wedding is stressful as is and when we were looking up photographers, it blew our minds the costs some were charging.  Now, that is not to say that their time and art is not worth it, but when you are paying for the majority of your own wedding, it can be hard to swallow.  Just like everything else, we prayed on it and knew God would take care of it, no matter what the costs would be. 

First up - enter the talents of Ashley Eubanks.  She recently graduated from the Art Institute of Houston for photography.  Carlos has known since she used to go to shows dating back to his Yetis and FF5 days.  I met her at some point, although sadly I cannot remember when.  Regardless, she always has a smile on her face and is so much fun to be around.  She had posted how she wanted to take some engagement pictures for anyone for her portfolio for school.  She needed the pictures; so did we.  She takes some amazing photos (check her out here: http://ashleyeubanksphotography.com/blog/) Our Save-the-Dates turned out amazing and we received so many complements on them.  Thank you SOOOO much Ashley once again – you were a blessing in disguise!

So, back to our search for a wedding photographer.  We still were looking and looking.  I have family that are amazing - I mean AMAZING - photographers, but I wanted them to be able to enjoy the wedding and not work it.  That's for another post though...

I realized a friend of ours (enter Shane), who was recently married to Stephanie, was starting to shoot more and more weddings.  Carlos met Shane 6 years ago when they worked together and he has always been a joy to have in our company.  He is such a fun-loving and goofy guy, I just had the right feeling inside and we knew it was a perfect fit.  Him and his wife work together purely for their passion and love of photography - I think it is so cool to see a husband/wife duo share a mutual passion.

They went above and beyond for us from shooting our engagement party, to our engagement pictures, to the big day.  Point-in-case, we decided last minute...like A WEEK BEFORE THE WEDDING...that we wanted a particular portrait taken to place at the reception.  We did some shots in Hermann Park the Sunday before our wedding, and he edited and delivered these amazing pictures by Wednesday.  It was so hard to choose just one picture, and I am still in shock that it is us!!  They are some of my all-time favorite pictures of us.  We cannot thank you two enough! Please check out Shane and Stephanie with Impact with Images Photography - http://www.iwiphotography.com - you will NOT regret it with these two!!!

I love having our pictures to look back on and see the happiness and love captured in each picture. I would say if you splurge on one thing, make sure it is a great photographer! Those are the moments that you can cherish forever once the wedding high is over!