Difficult conversations or conflict are hard. No way else around it. Confrontation is usually something I rather seek in the midst of conflicts because I know that once we hurdle over the climax of the conversation/situation, the various paths of healing, restoration, understanding, or sometimes choosing to parts paths peacefully are opened up. The worse is over and now there are endless possibilities for restoring the relationship or situation. 

I don't necessarily choose this every day and in each of my relationships or situations, but it is something that grows inside of me and yearns to come out when needed. I tend to struggle in connecting with people and sustaining relationships because most people are the complete opposite. "I LOVE CONFRONTATION!!!" (said no one ever.) 

I have been told by many that I carry the title of Truth-Teller, which by definition it usually means someone who speaks the truth in difficult circumstance, or tells "truths" which are widely unpopular. Now, let me just get it out and say upfront, I don't always get it right.

“I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— the Spirit of truth … I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you” (John 14:16–18). 

God has really been speaking this on my heart over the last two months over what it really means to live within the truth and applying that into daily actions and words, but also revealing the circumstances that truth can so easily get twisted into something it is not. I bring up a dreaded topic - especially amongst women - GOSSIP!

Who hasn't been involved in some form of gossip? Gossip attracts women like honey does bees. We all think we aren't gossiping, when in fact, we are! Re-telling someone a story about so-and-so could do no harm - I mean what are the chances they would even find out? Well...probably there is little chance they would, but does that still make it okay? We have all been affected by it. We have all participated in it, we have gossiped and been gossiped about. We live in a time where we crave to know what is going on in each other's live and why so-and-so posted this or that on social media - we have become obsessed with knowing every detail about each other. I am sure people will even want to speculate why I have written on this. HAHA!

I think gossip and holding onto what is truth effects us more than we know. We aren't perfect, but part of walking with God is growing in perfection. So, today I make a commitment to honesty, no matter how personally difficult it is. I share with you how I seek that in my daily life and in the relationships that matter most to me. 

As Karen Ehman tells us from her book 'Keep It Shut' - “a half-truth is still a whole lie.” God cares about what may seem like harmless little lies: “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much” (Luke 16:10).

- Living with a Spirit of Integrity

• The dictionary defines integrity as “a firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values, or incorruptibility; incapable of being bribed or morally corrupted.” In the Bible, the Hebrew word translated “integrity” in the Old Testament means “the condition of being without blemish, completeness, perfection, sincerity, soundness, uprightness, wholeness.” Integrity in the New Testament means “honesty and adherence to a pattern of good works.” 
• Jesus was the perfect and only example of a man of integrity. He is the only one who was ever without blemish, perfect, completely truthful, and always showing a pattern of good works. As sinners, our integrity is flawed, but Jesus' integrity is perfect. We are only able to get a sense of this new spirit of integrity when we are "in Christ"  because it is His nature.
• The Bible also describes integrity as the truth. So what is the truth? Jesus is the only real truth and only through Him can we obtain eternal life. Many times, Jesus prefaced His words by saying, “Truly, I say to you,” which, in essence, means “I tell you the truth.” Jesus never lied, and His actions defined integrity.
• Integrity = Truth. Truth = Integrity. We should always seek truth in our relationships. The foundation of truth is integrity, and out of that builds trust and respect.  If that foundation of integrity is flawed or weak, it is impossible to build the necessary trust required to maintain successful, positive relationships. 

- Separating Godly Talk and Gossip

• First, we need to admit one thing - we have a gossip problem no matter you are a follower in Christ or not. It is rooted within our nature and society. There is an industry built through social media and media news solely based on gossip and rumors that they try and sell off as truth! There is only one truth about gossip = it ruins reputations and destroys friendships.
• While my personal battle isn't with confronting a situation or person as some battle with, my internal struggle tends to come out in the opposite form of sitting with someone who is talking about someone else or a situation they were witnessed to and I was not. OR me going to someone to get it all out about what so-and-so said about me or what they did to me directly or indirectly and wanting to gain that person on "my side". I know we all need to vent at times, but when nothing comes out of the conversation that is pointing us back to Christ or healing with another, it deeply teeters on the line of gossip. We should seek friendships that will hold us accountable to our walk and actions.
• Proverbs tells us that gossip "betrays a confidence" (11:13) and "separates close friends" (16:28). 
• When we talk about others behind their back, we're inflicting an emotional pain on them and creating a line of division. Instead of punching them in the nose, we're shooting daggers into their hearts. As Christians, we're supposed to honor God in all areas of our lives. Talking negatively about friends or a situation does not show Christ's unconditional love. God wants us to honor Him and honor others with our words = Psalm 141:3 “Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.”
• If you find yourself on either end, I would urge you to seek prayer and guidance from someone who will not participate but point you into dealing and confronting the person or situation. We will still all struggle to deal with gossip, whether it be as a recipient or a participant. But the more I learn about God's love, the more I realize the importance of encouraging others — and that never includes gossip. 

I know that every word I speak is important. Choosing truth and integrity is hard, especially when it reveals a weakness of mine. Choosing to not participate in the gossip of others and instead praying for others is hard, especially when we may think it as harmless.  I acknowledge the times I’ve been deceptive in order to manipulate the opinions of others. I want to be a woman who is filled with God's truth. Yet with God’s help, I’m making progress to become the woman of integrity He’s called me to be and uncovering whatever stands in the way of becoming that woman.

Practice Doesn't Make Perfect

Earlier last week, I came across many one-on-one conversations with my 8-year-old niece Reagan who was visiting for the holidays. She would constantly ask me how I did this or how I did that, wanting to know my inner secrets, so she could attempt and perfect in one try, and be like her amazingly talented Aunt (insert audience laughs). 

My response was always to her that nothing comes easy, and that actually a lot of things take hard work and practice. By the end of the week, whenever she would ask me the same questions again, before I could sputter out the words "Well...", she would respond, "I know what you are going to say...that it takes hard work and practice." I believe a few eye rolls were inserted somewhere in between her words as well - I tried my best to ignore those. 

Trying to explain that perfection doesn't exist outside of Christ was a little difficult to fully communicate to an 8-year-old, but what I realized was that it's difficult to even process myself. What I saw in her throughout our conversations is that she strives for perfection and to achieve anything and everything that comes her way - but I also saw my own doubts and anxieties I face in what I cannot fully understand immediately or cannot control myself through her and our conversations. I saw myself in my 8-year-old - which could be good and bad (sorry Nat and Jason!!!)

Oh, and that it only took me a conversation that I had tonight with my husband to make that connection. Talk about mind explosion! God used Reagan to speak to me when I thought I was speaking to her.  

As my own passions and talents grow, the discouragement in my own mind only seems to get louder. The deeper I want to grow and the braver the work is in front of me, the more resistance I face. I am finally calling out to God for fresh perspective, courage, and perseverance. I pray for a revival in my heart that will spark flames of it in others. We are all fighting the same fights. We are all fighting the resistance to CREATE. God is the creator of creatives. It is through Him, with Him, for Him and because of Him that we build and dream and create! God, stir and move me. I am yours!

"When God births a burden in your heart, lean into it." - Andy Stanley

1 1)   Stop comparing yourself to other people's callings, gifts, and talents.

§  You are uniquely made - there is no one like you and there is no one that can offer/give what you can

§  God doesn't call just one of us to do one particular calling 

22)   Surround yourself with those who support you, encourage you, pick you up, and cheer you on!

33)   Remember why you are called and what your calling is. 

§  Write down/document the point of when God revealed to you His unique calling for you and your "why" - in times of discouragement and doubt, recall and cling to this!

44)   ADMIT IT NOW - Perfection will never come!

§  "Grow His Kingdom, not yours. You will mess up, you will get lost, but when you do, choose grace and then keep going". Jess Connolly

55)   God has the power to create something extraordinary in and through our seasons of wrestling with doubts and despairs. 

§  God = The Dream Giver

o  Christ will redeem

o  Christ will inspire

o  Christ will build something bigger than us

Whatever we do in Christ, there will always be a journey. This will include joys, weariness, fears, success, loss, restoration, creativity, brokenness, rest, and nothing. On any given day, no matter what you face, stay connected to the Dream Giver through prayer and His word. Let our prayers restore hope, conviction, encouragement, and guidance. And remember that He can even use a conversation with an 8-year-old to speak to you and show you His truth.