Today's Devotional on Leading and Loving It:

Kay Warren

"While authenticity & transparency are often talked about simultaneously, they are really quite different. Authenticity is you being genuinely you no matter the location, situation, or audience watching. No masks. No fake. No phoniness. Just you being the imperfect, yet uniquely gifted person you are. 

However, transparency is something else. Being transparent is being completely see-through. This is allowing people into the deeply personal, private side of your life sharing your intimate struggles & celebrations, challenges & victories. It’s not necessary to be completely transparent with everyone, but we absolutely must be transparent with a few someones. We allow people into the very private side of our lives because accountability is only as good as the transparency & trust you are able to bring into a few relationships. 

Not being completely transparent with every person you lock eyes with doesn’t mean that you are inauthentic. It does mean that you are protecting part of your private life, & you certainly have that right. Be careful to always be authentically you, because our public lives should always be a reflection of our private lives. 

Take some time to examine your private life. What, if anything, is not being reflected in your public life? Take that to God today."

My Personal Reflection:

I always strive to be as authentic & transparent of who I am, regardless of who it is around or how uncomfortable it can be, with of course certain necessary boundaries in place. I've learned those are some of my strongest attributes, while I know it can still be a daily struggle for myself or something others deeply struggle with. 

Trust me though, I wasn't always strong in those areas. After going through an AMAZING ministry like Restoration, it is so vitally important to be true to who you are, even in the good or bad time, & to allow a certain degree of vulnerability that can be uncomfortable. 

I honestly think it can be a little too easy to be that family member, friend, or leader who is always open & honest - in other words, telling it like it is to those around us who need to hear it. But what we all can fall short in is with applying that same hard truth to ourselves & allowing to confront our own issues, maybe even the same ones, we see in others. Are we telling it like it is to ourselves or going to people who may need to bring forth certain truths to us? I firmly believe that when someone confides in us, we can give all the hard truths in words to that person, but we can also take it & see where do we stand in that same hardship, so that we can always give the most authentic & transparent wisdom to them. I don't believe God brings forth anything to us for no reason & what someone else is struggling with, we can always turn around to apply those truths to ourselves. 

Regardless of position, none of us are see all/know all - that wisdom, authority & position is reserved for the great man upstairs! It is something I had to truly even humble myself in the past week & realize I am no better or above any person whether in my marriage, running a company, my personal & family life, or in church life & the worship ministry. My gift/talent is music, but my passion is connecting with people & showing hospitality to those who need to know they are valued in love because I know I struggle with it myself.   God wants us to boldly come before His throne, & bow before him in a contrite & broken spirit. No one ever has it all together - that is NOT the norm. We have to examine our posture. Are we bowed in holy reverence or are arms raised in joyous praise, regardless of our circumstances? 

No posture is greater than another. We all bring something valuable to the table that is essentially vital to build things into something great - God sees & He honors that. Now, leadership does place certain levels of responsibility & authority over others, but we must always remember where our heart is in those moments & to never overstep that places us in the sense we are above others because we have THAT authority or we may be at different walks of life.

To end this, the most each of us can do is to continue to pray, invest, & get deeper with those God has placed around us. Being a leader can be tough - you may find yourself questioning your next action or decision, because you are passionate about what you are leading & setting an example in. When we remain obedient in Him, this is what will continue to transform our lives, the lives of others, & grow the kingdom of God. This only can take place thought deeper authenticity, transparency, vulnerability, & examining our hearts & attitudes. 

So...nothing is ever perfect...

::GASP:: Yes it's true! 

Now...please, do not get me wrong - I constantly hear from family and friends who attended our wedding that it was one of the most beautiful, elegant, and fun weddings!  I don't doubt this for a second and it makes me happy to hear!  We were also extremely blessed in how God provided us with amazing connections and people in our lives who helped make it that. 

The sad truth is, internally - and I feel this is something that so many of us experience yet we keep it shut inside - I was so stressed about it all and I felt so alone.  I was so focused on having the perfect wedding and that NOTHING would or could go wrong.  (HAHA - Yes I can laugh at that thought now!)  I was putting so much trust and expectations onto certain people around me, that I set my self up for MAJOR disappointment.

I am that person that when I start to reflect on the past, I tend to notice only the regrets and the things I cannot change, never realizing that I couldn't have changed it then either.  Why?  Because you cannot change people. I am not God. 

I felt like I was completely alone in my feelings and thoughts, as if I was the only one ever to experience what I had gone through.  In an even more honest and vulnerable statement, the heartache and fallout that came before and after our wedding caused a deep depression in me. It was not pretty at all, and it something I have struggled with since.  You know those thoughts that so easily creep in - we all get them - "Will I ever be good enough?  Will I ever be appreciated and accepted by certain people?"  I find myself more worried of validation from people who are in no place themselves to be giving me validation/judgement; and less worried of where true validation, worth, satisfaction, and truth comes from. I need to turn my eyes and heart towards Him. Only He can satisfy.

Validation from others can be a wonderful, beautiful thing.

But if our need for it makes us develop unrealistic expectations, we'll exhaust our relationships.

There are some deep soul needs that can only be met by God alone. ut I have learned through some pretty amazing people around me now, that I am not alone.  And I can move forward from those feelings that have made me feel stuck. 

My biggest and only true regret = planning a wedding basically for everyone else.  We did not put the focus on Carlos and I, and we did not place God in the center of us.  We went out of our way to make sure everyone else had what they needed, that they were happy, and in turn, hardly anyone asked us if we had what WE needed and to make sure we were happy.  That's who we are - we love to serve others and be there for others as much as we can - the hard truth is we live in a broken world and sometimes those closest to us don't hold the same values and characteristics as us. We wish we could have focused on what mattered the most by staying true to who we are and establishing certain boundaries!  But this saying is true and resonates with me daily...

What My Wedding Day DID Teach Me: 

1. We married each other - and made the covenant on that day before God that we would center ourselves in Christ. We committed to one another that Christ is first in both our hearts and daily lives, and through us, He will bless our marriage and the life we are building together. We committed to each other being second after Christ, but number 1 before anyone or anything else. He is my soulmate - he is my family.  The issues that other people in our lives have are not our problems to fix and fret over.  We CANNOT let others steal our joy or to come between the two of us. 

1. When all seems lost, the man I married has always been there for me when I need him.  Isn't it amazing to think how God uniquely created someone for you?  He IS my person, my best friend, my confidant, the love of my life, and I find so much of my comfort and peace in him!  We are not perfect at all - but God brought two imperfect people together for His perfect plan - we refuse to give up on one another and we have learned what true forgiveness, grace, and unconditional love is.  We may not always do it right or get it right the first time around, but we have THE master-planner guiding us along the way when we get off track.  

1. And ultimately, I learned that I want our marriage to continue to celebrate our love.  I want a marriage so much bigger than my wedding day.  I have been guilty of throwing it out there that my wedding was not the "best day of my life" - was it?  No, it wasn't!  BUT, I have however started to realize that it wasn't meant to be THE best day!  It was just another day in our lives, because one day doesn't determine our happiness.  One day doesn't determine the past success of our relationship or the future success of our marriage.
   

There are going to be many more monumental times of celebration in our life together that include what is the most important to us - each other, family, and personal successes/blessings!  Maybe one day, we'll decide to do a vow renewal that is centered around us and the foundation we build our marriage on - God.  But for now, it is time to let go of the wedding day and start embracing our marriage!

Whoever is reading this, I encourage you to find hope and peace in  either the same situation, or in any situation where satisfaction may not happen or you may find yourself disappointed in yourself or those around you.  The bad news - it will happen.  It is part of the human struggle called life.  But the amazing news?  We don't have to lose hope.  We don't have to  accept defeat.  We don't have to hide in our shame.  Do what I had to do - talk to someone you can trust, and in your quiet/alone time, make a list of what went wrong and what went right.  You will be amazed like I was to examine that the things that went wrong, were not your fault nor did they reflect you as a person.  It gave me insight to what it reflected in those around me and that those are their issues to work on.  We all have enough of those, that we don't need to taking on others too. lol. But seriously, it helps - and continue to put your focus into what matters now - if you have a growing current relationship with Christ or you're still discovering what that is or what that looks like and on your marriage and family/friends that support and encourage you. 

"Love others to the deepest of levels - if not, you are missing out on what matters most."